


Torn between Heaven and Hell

by Merc_with_a_mouth



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10528557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merc_with_a_mouth/pseuds/Merc_with_a_mouth
Summary: Castiel has to choose between heaven and dean.(Doesn't follow the Tv series)





	

The grips around his body is strong- overwhelming. He fights it. He spits, he screams, he cries and he fights with everything he can summon. He fights because he cannot let them win; he cannot let this happen.  
“NO!” Oh he's so oblivious but Castiel can see it all.  
Dean walks around the corner in a hunter's stance but he'd lost long before now. He is flanked by the hundreds of angels hidden in the shadows instantly.  
Castiel can't look away.  
Dean is thrust against a wall, an arm pressing against his throat, his skin already tinged purple at the lack of oxygen. He claws at the arm desperately, needing to breathe so badly but not being able. And then comes the blade.  
Sharp, silver and pointed, positioned discretely against his lower abdomen. Dean can't feel it yet but any struggle and he's skewered. His death won't be instant but it will be definite. He will bleed and he will be in so much pain- fuck tonnes of pain to be exact.  
He sees the lips of the angel holding Dean move fast into a sneer. How he'd love to break that fucker's neck. He sees Dean gasp for air. He sees as Dean notices his presence.  
Their eyes meet.  
All Castiel can see in their green depths is forgiveness and he hates it because he doesn't deserve it. He deserves so much worse. If it were up to him he'd burn for a millennia before allowing himself forgiveness but it's not up to him- it's up to Dean. The kind, humble, loving, trusting, forgiving man who would still cherish the ground Cas walked on if he'd killed a million men. He'd find an excuse to forgive because his heart is so open to love but receives so little. He has been beaten and broken by so many and his heart is so open because he thinks he deserves next to nothing.  
Dean deserves the entire world.  
Castiel would sooner destroy the universe than let Dean believe he should forgive him. Castiel is the reason he is here. Castiel took Dean's affection for granted and held his hand as he lured him back towards perdition. He is no better than the rest of humanity. He is no better than everyone else who treated Dean like scum.  
He blinks. The world goes dark for merely a second and then he's by Dean's side no longer restrained but with hundreds of angel blade poised, ready and aimed for him.  
Dean gasps for breath as the arm is loosened but not removed.  
“From the minute you first laid a hand on him in hell, you were lost.” Efram spits in Dean's direction. Castiel's stomach turns at the sight. “A soul stuck between heaven and Earth. What even are you any more?”  
“I-I'm an angel of the Lord.” His voice- raspy, broken, betraying him. If only that blade weren't so close to severing Dean Winchester.  
Their eyes remain locked.  
“That so? 'Cause, near as I can tell, when you have to choose between heaven and the Winchesters...”  
“You choose them.” Jonah, loosens his grip on the hunter just enough to turn and growl in Castiel's direction.  
“Every time. So, see, you're not my brother. And if I had it my way, I'd take this blade, stick it in your heart . . . and call that a damn good day.”  
“Then do it!” Dean's eyes widen at the insinuation but to Castiel this outcome is a no-lose scenario. Dean dies? He'd rather be dead than watch that happen. Dean gets to live? Of course he'd sacrifice himself for the man.  
“No. You gave us order, Castiel, and we gave you our trust. Don't lose it over one man.” An angel blade is thrust into his hand and he is shoved forward. Jonah steps away from Dean.  
“Do it.”  
Dean reaches out to Castiel, fear in his eyes. It worked before. Touch broke the connection before. The angel steps away hissing. He can't let Dean forgive him.  
“Cas?” That voice- so much pain and confusion. Castiel stares down at the blade in horror. “Do it... Please.” His hands tremble around the silver. “Don't let them hurt you.” Fuck him! Dean Winchester- the fucking righteous man- even in the face of death he fights for the wrong man. He fights for those who don't deserve it because he thinks so little of himself- the asshole. “Save yourself and keep fighting.”  
The blade clatters to the ground and Castiel turns on Dean in anger, breathing heavily with wide eyes.  
“Fuck you.” His entire body, consumed with heat and anger, shakes. “No.” He turns on Efram, draped in a cloak of rage and about to explode. “I won't. Torture me, kill me, do whatever, but I won't kill Dean.”  
“Okay.” Efram clicks his fingers. Jonah thrusts a blade into Dean. It's almost cinematic as blood spews from his mouth with the same velocity as the blade carves into his skin. “That enough torture for you?” The room clears. And then it's just the two of them.  
Castiel drops to his knees, trying frantically to stop the bleeding. His heart beats ten miles a minute. There's so much blood.  
“C-Cas-” His lips are stained red.  
“No. I don't care. Nothing would've made me do it.” He knows what Dean would've said. Even bleeding to death he would say 'you should've done it, you should've protected yourself,' always thinking about the wrong person. “Nothing they can do is worse than this.”  
Dean lifts a weak hand- skin deathly pale- and wraps his fingers around Castiel's ties, pulling him so their faces are inches apart.  
“I would've forgiven you. I will always forgive you.” He knows. Goddammit he knows.  
“But I'll never forgive myself.” Dean reaches his hand from the tie to Cas' face, wiping a stray tear from his cheek and with the other hand he entwines their fingers, pulling the angel's hand from his bleeding abdomen. The blood flows freely.  
“What ar-?” The question is cut off by lips upon lips, the fresh taste of iron and the subtle sense of distracting damnation. Castiel lets himself sob freely into the kiss. Blood mixes with tears, mixes with blood, mixes with tears. It's messy. They were always going to be messy.  
“I love you but next time let me decide what the fuck happens with my life.” Dean says with a glare, the threat laboured but nevertheless hurtful from his lips. Dean runs a thumb across Cas' cheek bone, lessening the blow.  
Castiel leans back in, squeezing his eyes shut and willing Dean to stay alive. Hoping that if this moment never ends he'll never lose Dean.  
Their lips move slowly together and Castiel tries with everything he is to pump whatever grace remains within him into to Dean's body. Dean can have it. Dean can have it all. His life, his body, everything, he just has to stay alive.  
Dean's lips go slack against Castiel's. He keeps trying. And when his attempts are futile he sobs into Dean blood soaked chest, fists gripped tightly in his shirt.  
“I-” He wishes he couldn't feel because he knows that what he is about to admit will burn like a million suns right now- after everything. “I love you too.” And he's never meant something so much.

“The angel tablet - arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe - is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right - to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was about saving one human, right? Well guess what? He's dead too.” Metatron takes a deep breath, a smile tugging at his lips. “And now? So are you.”

 

 


End file.
